Gay or Girl: Riku's Rules EDITED
by QueenofDiamondss
Summary: A supplementary sort of ficlet about all the things my best friend X'BabyCarrotClemintime'X 's character, Riku, isn't allowed to do in our story "Gay or Girl" List is now up to date.


Kyo finished the list and rolled it up with a dramatic sigh. After about five minutes of rolling, he gave up and cut it into chunks. The list was a few years in the making now and he had decided now was the best time to post it where Riku, and anyone else it concerned, could read it. It was fairly straight forward. Simply a (long) list of rules, for his partner, best friend, and current baby-sitting job, Riku Yagami, formerly known as Seiren Yagami, or, The W.M.D. (Weapon of Mass Destruction). The reason Riku even needed these rules in the first place was both short and simple, and at the same time, it was a very long story going back to the time they first met.

As an explosion rocked the village, along with someone screaming, "RIIIIIIKUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Kyo sighed again. "I'd better leave space for more. I'll definatly need it." He said adding another rule to the end of the paper. Once it was posted on the wall beside the local bulliten board, dwarfing it substantially, Kyo stepped back to review his handiwork. "Not bad. Hopefully he'll remember some of them..." That being said, he looked up at the start, reviewing the numbered sentances for loopholes.

I will not sing in public.

I will not drink alcohaul/get drunk before 5pm.

I will now steal Kyo's weaponry.

I will not make loud noises at 3 in the morning just to scare the neighbors.

I will not make loud noises at 3 in the morning for any other reasons.

I will not switch the inside furnature with the outside furnature.

I realize that the Inuzuka dogs do not like cats and I will not tease them.

I will listen when TV shows tell me not to try things at home.

I know that if I do not listen to said warnings, Tsunade will take the TV away.

I will not replace Kakashi's "books" with children's books, no matter how funny the outcome will be.

Kankuro's puppets are NOT toys!

I will not stick kunai or other metal objects into light sockets, outlets, or other electrical hazards.

I will not write obscenities on the walls of random buildings.

I will not streak naked on the beach.

I will not streak naked in town either.(This will only encourage Jiraiya)

Windows are NOT made for quick getaways. (Anko should not encourage me either)

I will not invert the rooms of the house. (i.e. glueing the chairs to the ceiling and the lights to the floor.

I will not dress like a stripper.

I will not mix sugar and caffine into my ramen.

I will not mix sugar and caffine into Naruto's ramen either.

I will not blow up the handmixer or other household appilances.

I will not see what non-food products will blend in the blender.

I will not run with pointy/sharp objects (regardless of what it is.)

I will not dress up my partner and sell him to the zoo.

I will not offer a reward for catching the creeper(Gai)

I will not insist that Kankuro is gay simply because he plays with dolls.

I also will not insist that Gaara wears eyeliner.

Telling people that "Temari has a bag, hard . . . . . . . fan", is rude and inappropriate.

I will not bungee jump off Hokage Mountain.

I will not kiss important political figures.

I do not need an airplane, and I shouldn't borrow one.

I do not need a runway for an airplane I don't own.

I will not tear up the neighbors yard to make a runway I don't need for an airplane I don't own.

I will not go fishing in the hot springs

I will not set fire to things that were not meant to burn

Furthermore, I will not touch the blowtorch, lighters, or matches without supervision.

I will not shave Lee's head or eyebrow while he is asleep.

I will not replace Sasuke's clothes with a wedding dress.

I will not pull the fire alarm.

I definatly won't push the air raid button.

I will not set booby traps on busy streets.

I will not eat catnip as I am not a cat.

Because I am not a cat, I should not act like one.

Dogs do not quack and I shouldn't insist that they do.

I will not try to teach Akamaru to quack.

Glareing randomly at Jiraiya serves no purpose and I shouldn't continue to do so.

I am no longer allowed inside the pet store for a reason.

Pets are not allowed out of the pet store for a reason.

If I can read a door, I don't need to run into it.

Revolving doors cannot slam. I will not try it while people are using the door.

I will not laugh at the disabled. Far too many of them are Jounin or ANBU.

I will not throw skittles at people and yell "Taste the fucking rainbow already!"

I will not forge love notes to Hinata from Naruto.

I will not forge love notes to Naruto from Hinata.

I will not use Jiraiya or Gai as a pinata.

Sasuke is NOT a teddy bear.

The house isn't a puzzle and I can't take it apart no matter how hard I try.

I will not go looking for hidden doors or paths in any of the village's buildings.

I will not put random trap doors on the upper floors of any of the buildings.

Don't steal Tsunade's sake and/or drink it.

Never ever tease Kyo about her crush on Gaara.

Don't ever disappear for days on end and show up in Sasuke's room.

I will not let Lee watch The Eye of The Tiger.

I will not photoshop Lee into said movie.

I will not hang from the coatrack just because I think I am a hat.

I will not try to sit on people's heads just because I think I am a hat.

I will not impersonate Shino no matter how easy it seems.

I will not make random guys dress in drag.

I will not call random people to "help me hide the body" in the middle of the night

I will not say inappropriate things very loudly when I know people are listening.

I will not gamble with Tsunade, as taking advantage of her is hazardous to my health.

My friends and partners are not chew toys.

I am not senile and shouldn't pretend that I am.

I wil not play with bath toys in the hot springs.

I will not turn the hot springs into a bubble bath.

I will not tie rubber ducks to my head for whatever reason.

I will not make pranks calls using the phone in Tsunade's office.

I will not have a staring contest with Itachi.

I should not laugh evilly when asked questions conceringing someone's well-being.

I am NOT the King of Cheese.

I will not spike anyone's drink.

I will not spread rumors about Deidara having an indentity crisis.

I will not pretend I am a rabid foreigner (even if I am foreign).

I will not try to eat Akamaru.

Shuriken are NOT frisbies!

I don't see things that aren't there, and I shouldn't insist that I do.

I will not insist that Itachi has used his sharigan on me.

I will not insist that Gaara has "the Force"

Stop attacking civilian persons!

My sister is not a chew toy.

Firecrackers are **NOT** a toy!

I do not need to see if ramen burns

I do not need to burn ramen infront of Naruto.

I do not need to know what other foods will burn.

I will not dress up as the grim reaper and tap on the windows of retirement homes for fun.

I will not throw goldfish crackers at people and say "Taste the snack that smiles back!"

I will not try to convert Sakura and Ino to yaoi fangirlism.

I will not refer to Gai's dynamic entry as 'The Foot Glomp' no matter how much it makes Hotaru and the others laugh.

I will not put up missing posters for my sanity. It probably won't be returned any time soon.

Taijutsu is not otherwise refered to as DDR.

"Meow" Is not the proper response to every question I am asked.

Getting Lee drunk is a bad idea, a VERY bad idea!

Akamaru is not a dalmation. This is not a good excuse for why he now has spots.

I will not replace Gaara's sand with itching powder.

I do not have an allergic reaction to Lee's eyebrows.

I will not set Hotaru up on a blind date with the Kazekage.

Kankuro's real name is not Fluffy.

I will not threaten to turn Gaara's sand into glass to set up the date mentioned in rule #106.

In fact, I will not threaten Gaara at all!

I will not give Lee a megaphone.

Tenten is NOT into BDSM.

I will not go missing for days on end.

I will not make sock puppets of the guys and make them do inappropriate things with each other.

I will not get Gai to make work out videos and distribute them in the mail.

Choji is not a marshmellow.

I will not shave Ino's head while she's asleep.

If I don't remember what happened the last time I had large amouts of candy, Halloween might be a bad idea...

With each successive rule, the list only became longer and far more absurd. It would be obvious to any passers-by that the person for whom these rules were created was either very childish, or clinically insane. And determined to make some poor souls just as crazy.

I (KamiMoriTama) do not own Naruto, my friend X'BabyCarrotClemintime'X's character Riku/Seiren, or anything implying that I do. However, I DO own this list, my character Kyo/Hotaru and I co-own the story these relate to: Gay? or Girl? which is posted by X'BabyCarrotClemintime'X and written by the both of us.


End file.
